I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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