If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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