I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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