dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
