great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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