Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
