The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize