i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
