who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
