Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
