I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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