i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
