Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
