You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
