How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and she was petting her beer can
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
