Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
