Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
