get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
