I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
