im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Floor bacon is actually really good
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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