just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
