you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
