I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
