I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
