My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
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