Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
