i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
