There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
