lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
