what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
