seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
