wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
