I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
