dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
