you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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