at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
