My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
