so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
