come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Come see our sink grown plant.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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