it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
