haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
