I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
