he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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