I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
