so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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