just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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