had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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