Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
