don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
