if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
