Are we in a gay sports bar?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
